I hope you’re all having a great day! I am! So remember when I wrote the things I achieved this year? Well, I thought I could make a like realistic part of like, how my year has been.
Because as some of you may know, some time ago, I talked about the faking on the internet, which is pretty much about how everyone pretends they’re fine and never share how they’re actually feeling. Cause
sh*t happens to everyone and you can’t be happy all the time.
So I wanted to kind of open more about how I feel, cause maybe someone out there could relate? Or maybe this could help someone? Or maybe encourage peeps to not feel pushed to fake happiness all the time?
Before you read:
No, I’m not depressed nor have any mental disorder that alters happiness. I’m a happy person, I’m lucky to have all the things people I have, I’m just feeling a little sad lately.
Long story short:
This year someone who was really important and meant a lot to me walked out of my life. He didn’t die, I just don’t see him anymore. He was my teacher. And it really hurt because he was amazing and different from the rest, in every way, honestly. It hurt like a
b*tch. Yeah, he was my crush, ok? I’ve never felt this sad, ever.
Maybe it’s not that big of a deal? But it is to me. People tell me to get over it, but it’s not that simple. It’s like telling someone who’s angry or stressed to calm down.
OH WOW, I DIDN’T THINK OF THE POSSIBILITY THAT I COULD CALM DOWN!!!! AS IT IS SOOOOO EASY!!!
Are you stupid?
The school year ended at the end of June. Now it’s December, the end of it. It’s been 6 months and the new year is around the corner.
Have I done progress?
Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. I still feel bad. I’m getting used to it, and sometimes I get the feeling I don’t have this blank space anymore, but then when my friends talk about him and anecdotes and everything it just makes me really sad.
And I’m not gonna go like: Hey, I don’t want you guys to talk about him anymore. Cause I don’t have the right, it’s my problem if I feel this way. Also, I kinda like hearing about him?
And then when I get home I get this anxiety feeling that makes me really sad and it’s hard for me to fall asleep. So I listen to sad music.
I think I’m a masochist or something, why am I so
And also, almost every song out there talks about love, how am I supposed to listen to music without feeling all frustrated and heartbroken? Also, everything reminds me of him, how is that supposed to go away in 2 days?
I am trying to distract myself with activities, doing the things I love, I have school work to do, hanging out with my friends distracts me *except if they talk about him* and I’m also trying to focus on the bright side of things, even though it’s hard.
But sometimes you just can’t help feeling sad.
But I mean, this shouldn’t last forever right? I know I’m not a kid, and kids forget problems easily if you buy them some ice-cream or something, but when you grow up, you’re not that lucky. But I should get over it. You know what they say, time cures everything, right?
My goal for 2019…
A goal I have for 2019 is getting over this, not feel this blank space anymore, fill it with new experiences, new goals, new everything. I don’t mean I wanna forget him, he’ll always mean a lot to me and I’ll always love him, as a person, as a teacher, as a role model… I just don’t wanna feel like this anymore.
I really have everything in life, cause this is kinda stupid and it has broken
like hell. That’s why I wanna be happy, cause I have everything and I shouldn’t be sad. I can live without him, it’s not the same and it sucks, but life goes on and he was never gonna be there forever.
Share your thoughts with me!
Was this post a first world problems rant? Yes, you don’t have to answer this one. Do you relate to any of this? Are you happy right now? Do you suffer from depression? Anxiety? How do you cope with being sad? What’s your biggest goal for 2019? Tell meeeeeee, this isn’t all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I hope you liked this post as much as much as I felt good making it. I just let it out, phew! Anyway, I hope this post didn’t depress you and I hope you have had a wonderful 2018.