Greetings peeps!
I hope you’re all having a great day! I am! So remember when I wrote the things I achieved this year? Well, I thought I could make a like realistic part of like, how my year has been.
Because as some of you may know, some time ago, I talked about the faking on the internet, which is pretty much about how everyone pretends they’re fine and never share how they’re actually feeling. Cause sh*t happens to everyone and you can’t be happy all the time.
So I wanted to kind of open more about how I feel, cause maybe someone out there could relate? Or maybe this could help someone? Or maybe encourage peeps to not feel pushed to fake happiness all the time?
Before you read:
No, I’m not depressed nor have any mental disorder that alters happiness. I’m a happy person, I’m lucky to have all the things people I have, I’m just feeling a little sad lately.
Long story short:
This year someone who was really important and meant a lot to me walked out of my life. He didn’t die, I just don’t see him anymore. He was my teacher. And it really hurt because he was amazing and different from the rest, in every way, honestly. It hurt like a b*tch. Yeah, he was my crush, ok? I’ve never felt this sad, ever.
The end
Maybe it’s not that big of a deal? But it is to me. People tell me to get over it, but it’s not that simple. It’s like telling someone who’s angry or stressed to calm down.
OH WOW, I DIDN’T THINK OF THE POSSIBILITY THAT I COULD CALM DOWN!!!! AS IT IS SOOOOO EASY!!!
Are you stupid?
The school year ended at the end of June. Now it’s December, the end of it. It’s been 6 months and the new year is around the corner.
Have I done progress?
Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. I still feel bad. I’m getting used to it, and sometimes I get the feeling I don’t have this blank space anymore, but then when my friends talk about him and anecdotes and everything it just makes me really sad.
And I’m not gonna go like: Hey, I don’t want you guys to talk about him anymore. Cause I don’t have the right, it’s my problem if I feel this way. Also, I kinda like hearing about him?
And then when I get home I get this anxiety feeling that makes me really sad and it’s hard for me to fall asleep. So I listen to sad music.
I think I’m a masochist or something, why am I so f*cking stupid?
Music…
And also, almost every song out there talks about love, how am I supposed to listen to music without feeling all frustrated and heartbroken? Also, everything reminds me of him, how is that supposed to go away in 2 days?
I am trying to distract myself with activities, doing the things I love, I have school work to do, hanging out with my friends distracts me *except if they talk about him* and I’m also trying to focus on the bright side of things, even though it’s hard.
But sometimes you just can’t help feeling sad.
But I mean, this shouldn’t last forever right? I know I’m not a kid, and kids forget problems easily if you buy them some ice-cream or something, but when you grow up, you’re not that lucky. But I should get over it. You know what they say, time cures everything, right?
My goal for 2019…
A goal I have for 2019 is getting over this, not feel this blank space anymore, fill it with new experiences, new goals, new everything. I don’t mean I wanna forget him, he’ll always mean a lot to me and I’ll always love him, as a person, as a teacher, as a role model… I just don’t wanna feel like this anymore.
I really have everything in life, cause this is kinda stupid and it has broken like hell. That’s why I wanna be happy, cause I have everything and I shouldn’t be sad. I can live without him, it’s not the same and it sucks, but life goes on and he was never gonna be there forever.
💛💛💛
Share your thoughts with me!
Was this post a first world problems rant? Yes, you don’t have to answer this one. Do you relate to any of this? Are you happy right now? Do you suffer from depression? Anxiety? How do you cope with being sad? What’s your biggest goal for 2019? Tell meeeeeee, this isn’t all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I hope you liked this post as much as much as I felt good making it. I just let it out, phew! Anyway, I hope this post didn’t depress you and I hope you have had a wonderful 2018.
Massive hugs!
Ana Regina 🥑
Last post About me Open letter to 2018
Diversion3000 
I’m with you on the love song thing. The guy that I fell in love with well, he loved me too, but stuff happened in both of our lives and things fell apart. I miss him terribly every day. We both made mistakes and I think we both have a lot of healing to do, but if one day he came back into my life I’d be full of joy, but that isn’t something I get to choose. For now, I just hope that he’s ok and doing well.
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Oh my god I’m so sorry about that, I think I can imagine how much that must hurt. 😦 I have no words other than I hope you’re doing better now and things have felt better for the both of you. 🙂
Wish you the best!!
P.S. I’m super super sorry for the late reply
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It’s ok! Things at this point haven’t really changed at all. I know I can’t do much more to fix things that I haven’t already done. It hurts like hell. Honestly, for a while there I felt like I was losing my mind. I just wish I could know for sure if he’s doing ok. Regardless of how I’m doing I feel like I knew he was ok and knew that he felt like he was at peace with what decision he made I could be more at peace too. But, I don’t have any way of knowing that at this point. God, I just wish I could know what he is thinking. That I could talk to him. Everything with us happened so fast and so abruptly and I know that it was real. I think about him all the time. I was so scared when things ended. But the truth is I know my love for him will always be there. I’ve been sick for the majority of the month of February. I’ve been given what seems like orders from the universe to get some down time. But the flip side is that I get to think a lot about everything. I know my life was better with him then without him. I know how I feel. I also know I have no control over what happens next. But, no matter what I just want him to be happy. If I could know that he was happy I think I’d be much happier too.
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I’m pretty sure he’s alright and I think he must feel the same way as you, he might think of you as much as you think about him.
And exactly! Why don’t people understand that when someone leaves your life, you may get over it, however you don’t stop loving them, you know? Like there’s no reason for you to stop having good feels for them, right?
It must hurt like hell, I still think about my crush a lot, it’s just I don’t think he thinks of me cause he was just my teacher lol
I hope you do amazingly this month and I hope someday you get to kind of fill this blank space that you have right now.
I don’t think I could help much, but if you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate emailing me (diversion3000@outlook.com)
Wish you the best! 💜
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Thank you! I highly doubt I’ll ever stop loving this person. It’s hard for me not to worry about him. It was different from any sort of connection I’ve ever had. Thanks for the well wishes! I hope things get better soon too!
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No problem!!! Yeah, I understand. And no problem!!! I hope things get better for you!!!! 💜
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