I hope you’re all having a great day! I am! I’m a little nervous cause I’m gonna go out for New Year’s Eve for the first time, but excited too, why not? But that’s not the point…
HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVE!!! 🥳🥳
I hope this year has been a great one and I hope next year gets even better!!!! All the best, honestly!!!! 💖💖
And now let’s talk about me!
*you actually clicked for this so here goes nothing*
You’ve seen in the title that this year I went from being really sad to really happy. That happened, how?
Long story short: I changed schools without having the need to and never actually wanted to do it. That made me really sad because there were people in my school I knew I was gonna miss and I also felt like I was letting them down by leaving. Do they actually care? No. Don’t get me wrong though, what I mean by “they don’t care” is that at the end of the day it doesn’t matter and they’re not gonna have me as a bad person or anything by leaving.
End of the story
The thing is that this made me really miserable, my permanent mood was sad and hopeless. I felt weak most of the time, like, I even stopped working out because I didn’t “have the energy to”. My motivation decreased by 50%. I still blogged and hung out with my friends, but nothing really made me happy. I thought I was actually the same happy person who was feeling sad, but now looking back at it, I wasn’t a happy person.
Was I depressed?
I actually did a lot fo research on depression and took depression tests online but I found out I wasn’t depressed. I ate normally, I slept normally… I wasn’t in bed all day. I did things. I also was doing good in school, pretty good.
My motivation was decreased on short term things like going to school, which I loved. But obvs by changing schools I was going to a place I didn’t wanna be in everyday. Waking up was extremely saddening because I had to go to school. Waking up and being sad from the beginning is one of the worst feelings I’ve experienced.
But my motivation on the long run was pretty intact, like, I still wanted to follow my dreams and do this and that. Also I didn’t wanna stop doing things I enjoyed, like blogging, hanging out with friends…
My biggest resolution for this year was to get over all that crap and finally be happy again. I was starting to get annoyed of being sad all the time. I had happy days and stuff but normally I felt down and yeah, hopeless.
I felt regret, sadness, I missed an amazing person really badly, I hated myself and everyone else, I was frustrated, demotivated, I was angry because everything turned out the way it did.
So yeah. I wanted to be happy badly. And it wasn’t easy.My worst breakdown happened when I realized how sad I saw and that made me even sadder. I thought I wasn’t gonna get over it.
But then summer came and I was really excited about the school year being over and thinking how fast it actually had passed by. That’s when I started getting happier. I started becoming less obsessed about all that crap and thinking less about it. I have no idea how that happened.
I still had breakdowns, this doesn’t get better in 24 hours. But I definitely noticed how happy I was getting.
And even though school started again, I wasn’t that sad about it. I just really really wanted to focus on my studies, because senior year in Spain is a little harder. I was desperate for the school year to be over and finally start making youtube videos in summer 2020.
It was just a little more step and high school is over.
Am I really over it now?
I’d say I’m 98% over it, because I barely think about it during the day. However sometimes I remember certain things that happened, or remember/see people from my old school and get a little bit emotional. I kind of live those moments again, if that makes sense.
I don’t care if I won’t get over it 100% and cry every once in a while. Honestly I didn’t think I was gonna be this happy at all. I thought I was gonna be in my first year of college still feeling sad. *I mean, I might, I’m still in senior year, but I don’t think so*
The thing is…
I didn’t think I was gonna be happy by the end of this year, who would have thought I was getting over it around summer? I still don’t really know how it happened, maybe it was the chemicals in my brain that decided to make a new recipe of proportions or maybe my mindset was subconsciously getting better. But I got over it.
How long did I take to get over it?
Just to add numbers so you get the picture a little better. It took me 1 year and 3-4 months to get over this. I think it’s a lot.
If you’re reading this and feel sad/depressed:
For a long time it was hard for me to believe I was gonna be happy again. I thought was never getting over it. And it got better for me.
This maybe wasn’t that big of a deal, even though it was for me, maybe you right now are going through worse things. Maybe someone you loved died or you’re getting bullied or someone broke up with you or idk… But really, things HAVE to get better. As my mom usually says: Time heals everything. And it does, it gives you a little more perspective on
Also, the first step is to want to be happy. Maybe I don’t have an answer to how I got over it. We all wish we had a recipe. But really, one way or another, things have to get better.
I’m gonna quote Ariana Grande:
But the hard times are golden cause they all lead to better days
That’s from her song Be Alright. And it’s true. It’s always dark before sunrise. You know?
I swear, if I could get over, so can you. Reach out for people who can help you. Try therapy or talk about it with people, it might make you vent or see things differently when you hear yourself talking about things. Also try to stay motivated, find something that gives you a reason to wake up tomorrow.
Share your thoughts with me!
How was this year for you? Was it good? Bad? Better than last year? Worse? Have you ever not been happy? Did you get over it? How? Is there anything you want to say about all this? I would love to hear it 🖤
I hope y’all had an amazing year and I hope next one you fulfill all your goals! I hope your family and friends are doing good! Have an amazing day/night and see you soon!